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Discovering you have an STD and having to tell your partner is one of the most complicated situations anyone can be in. But while it can be challenging, it’s a responsible step that you must take. Doing this is beyond just your relationship. Telling your partner allows them to get tested & treated (if positive) and prevents them from spreading the disease unknowingly to other people.

A major problem most times is how to let your partner know. You begin to question yourself about whether having a face-to-face conversation with them, sending a text/email, or informing them anonymously. Each approach can work but depends on your relationship and comfort level.

In this guide, we will walk you through both the direct and anonymous methods to notify your partner, helping you choose the approach that feels right for your situation.

Why Telling Your Partner is Non-Negotiable

Informing your partner about an STD is essential for many critical reasons that affect both of you and even the public. Below are 3 main reasons why you must let your partner know:

• Their Health

While you may think that your partner is healthy and safe because he/she isn’t showing any symptoms, it could just be that the STD is asymptomatic. This means your partner might be infected without knowing. Sometimes, STDs stay and grow silently in the body without showing any sign.

Thus, without prompt testing and treatment, your partner faces serious health risk, including long-term complications like infertility, chronic pain, and increased vulnerability to other diseases. Early detection and treatment can prevent these devastating outcomes and ensure your partner’s well-being.

• Your Health

Your own health also depends on this responsible action. Treating only yourself doesn’t mean you are safe. As said earlier, your partner may be infected without either of you knowing, so getting yourself treated and leaving him/her exposes you to re-infection. This cycle can continue indefinitely, extending your recovery and potentially resulting in serious health complications.

• Stopping the Spread

Beyond personal health, preventing transmission to others is an important public health responsibility. Just like COVID, some STDs (such as Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis) are notifiable diseases. What this means is that you must notify your sexual partners and the Department of Health in your jurisdiction when you have these diseases. This helps to monitor & track outbreaks, and manage general epidemics.

STDs when not treated quickly can spread like wildfire through sexual networks. By breaking this chain, you are protecting not just your immediate partner, but the public, including your loved ones, neighbors, and future partners.

Tell Your Partner via Direct Communication

This involves personally telling your partner about your STD status, whether through in-person conversation, phone call, text message, or email. This method enables personal disclosure and creates the chance for immediate dialogue & support.

1. Face-to-Face/Phone

Face-to-face or phone conversations can be a very good idea when you want to see your partner’s emotional reactions. But in cases like this, that’s not always the case. You may be scared of how they will react or be shy of breaking such news. However, this approach allows for full emotional connection, body language/voice reading, and immediate honest talk about their concerns & the next steps to take.

2. Text/Email (Self-Sent)

Text messaging or email serves as a direct message alternative when face-to-face or phone conversations feel too overwhelming. Taking a deep breath before typing an SMS or email allows you to carefully craft your words and communicate without being interrupted or seeing the hurtful face of your partner. This approach also lets your partner process the information before responding.

However, be mindful of your tone because written messages can easily be misinterpreted. It’s advisable that you use words that show care and concern.

Pros of Direct Communication

• Allows for dialogue.
• Can build trust and transparency.
• Gives room for immediate questions, answers, and emotional support.

Cons of Direct Communication

• Emotionally difficult and requires a lot of courage.
• Managing reactions can be challenging. Your partner will most likely get angry, scared, be in denial, or blame you.

Send Anonymous Notification to Notify Your Partner

If you’re not comfortable telling your partner about your STD diagnosis through direct communication, you can still let them know via an anonymous STD notification provider. This approach is ideal in cases where you are afraid, concerned about your safety, only have a casual relationship (like a one-night stand), or simply prefer to keep your identity private.

There are many anonymous online partner notification tools you can use for this purpose, such as:

• Дайте им знать: A free STI notification service for people in Australia. This discrete messaging service was developed by Melbourne Sexual Health Centre and backed by the Australian government to help people notify their partners about their STD diagnosis through anonymous SMS or email.
• The Drama Down Under: Mainly for gay, bi, and other men who have sexual intimacy with men. It offers all-round services in terms of STD/STI education, symptoms, testing, and prevention. This free online STD service also allows you to anonymously let your partner know that they may have been exposed to the disease.
• Лучше знать: This STD/STI notification service is mainly available to Australians. It’s focused on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander People. While they have different cultures, this anonymous STD service brings them together, protecting identity, and making it possible to inform their partners of their STD status.

• TellYourPartner: This is one of the products offered by Anonsms, which is a tool for sending confidential messages. TellYourPartner stands out from other confidential services, as it allows you to send anonymous STD messages to people all over the world seamlessly. It also offers bulk SMS, which enables you to send the message to multiple partners at once regardless of the location.

Perhaps you don’t want to be directly involved in the notification; you can seek the doctor/clinic assistance. This is called “contact tracing.” It’s public health assistance, where health professionals inform your partners anonymously on your behalf and enlighten them of the need to get tested.

No Matter How You Inform Them: Check These Tips!

Regardless of whether you choose direct or anonymous communication, there are some essential information that must be passed across effectively to ensure your partner takes immediate action. They are:

• Encourage testing as the next action. Even if your partner feels fine, there’s a chance that they could be infected but no visible signs yet. In your notification, specify the exact type of STD you were diagnosed with and tell your partner that getting tested is the only way to know their status.
• Don’t just assume they know where to get tested. Provide information on testing locations where they can get tested, better health advice, and treatment. You can direct them to local health departments, Planned Parenthood clinics, or their primary care professional. They can also check for the nearest CDC STD testing centers.
• Share your treatment facts to reduce their anxiety and stigma. Emphasize that most STDs are completely curable and it’s a good thing that they are alerted early, so the cure will be fast. Also, state that many treatments have simple procedures, such as just a single dose of antibiotics or short course of medication.

Since you’ve started treatment, you can provide practical guidance on what to expect and the importance of avoiding sexual activities until they are declared fine by the medical expert. They should also extend the responsibility of telling their sexual partners to get tested.